Kyori

Kyori

Noun

Meaning: Distance

Kyouri, kyouri, kyouri.... I hate this word. As an American, I feel the need to erase distance and become close to people as soon as possible. If I just sit with you at a table for five minutes I'll call you a friend. But my friend and room mate Ellie, has nothing but distance.

After Ellie blew up at me and specifically requested that I give her this, and I shudder to say it... kyori, I was so confused. Her grievances toward me were that I was childish, needy, a crybaby and relied too much on others. OUCH!

All of these statements are true, but I never thought that they were strong enough traits to get under anybody's skin.

To say everything in a positive way, the way I considered myself: I am a child at heart. I am good at delegating and willing to accept help. I properly communicate my feelings, even when it's hard. I am a people person who loves to spend time with the people I love. 

Another Japanese culture lesson, the big one- the shocker!: expressing strong emotions is very immature. People are brought up here, to hold back their feelings, all feelings!

You're so excited and you want to do the happy dance - chill out.

You're super stressed at work and you just want to cry - go home and cry to your mommy.

You're so angry you want to hit the table - what are you, two?

In America too, it's not always appropriate to show your feelings in certain circumstances, but it's definitely not looked down upon to have those feelings as an adult. But I am an adult, and I am in Japan. So, now there are these aspects of me that bother my roommate which I am attentive to change. Not for her, but for me. Now that I know how my actions are looked upon, how they've been looked upon and I didn't know.. It's very embarrassing. Even Ellie told me, it's my personality and I can't change it. But, I can. It's difficult because being home schooled and not every having close friends, I'm dealing with the emotional problems of non-family relationships only just now and I gotta say, it's so rough. When the kids at my school are crying because their friend doesn't want to hold their hand, I just want to say, I know how you feel!

I love, love, love my friends, especially Ellie, but Japanese people don't express love by talking all the time, being super excited or coming closer and closer like I was.

Little did I know, Ellie is super introverted and the more I behaved like this the more worn out and irritated she was getting. 

For Japanese people, silence, calmness and distance is not a bad thing.