Re-focusing

Here I am. It's Friday. I'm tired, but if I can push on for just 40 more minutes and accomplish some actual work, then my day will be well spent. It seems like I'm always trying to accomplish more and more, but reach this mysterious energy sapping wall that I just smack right into and get knocked down. This semester started out with myself exercising making origami, drawing, making eating decent meals, getting sleep and staying ahead on all my projects and assignments.

Now it seems like I'm back at that stage where I'm just trying to finish my work, whether it's exceptional or not. And just try to get myself out the door on time. 

I suppose that this may root from the feeling of wanting to do everything AND be the best at it. Though I don't think this is something that is possible for the many, the thought of dropping the ball is still a very petrifying thing. Then of course there's the variables, those things that come up which I wasn't expecting; that throw off the structure of my day and allow entropy to start running it's course. 

So then, I guess what I'm getting at is this: How do you change when your circumstances keep throwing you back to square 1? "You can't change your circumstances, but you can change you." I've been told this in one form or another so many times I don't remember who said it first, but there it is. 

I'm going to push on in order to accomplish those things I set my mind to; make the necessary sacrifices (extra sleep, etc.), prioritize and change. And then, things will get done. 

This is my resolve. May God please give me the strength to stick to it. 

I like this story because it kind of illustrates how I feel every time I start to get overwhelmed, like I want to just lay down and die.

"So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them (the prophets of Baal whom Elijah had put to death)." Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. " I have had enough Lord," he said, "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a seond time and touched him and said, " Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.

I want some of that bread so I can go 40 days straight!

Anyway, here is what I've been working on that I posted the initial stages of a while ago, just so that you can see that I am in fact gradually making progress on my projects.